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2014-02-20

- Law West and East of Privilege Creek -

By Judith Pannebaker BCC Editor

Under the moniker of "Keep Austin Weird," we have this law enforcement report:
Possession of Marijuana-Altering or Tampering with Evidence, 12:43 pm, Feb. 11 - A non-UT subject was observed driving at night without headlamps in the 2500 block of Guadalupe Street. After attempting to stop the vehicle, officers observed the vehicle driving erratically before it came to rest with one tire on the sidewalk in the 400 block of West 22nd Street. The approaching officers found the driver dining on a green leafy substance. Leftovers of that substance were found on the driver's clothes, seat, floorboard and in his teeth. The green leafy substance was later tested and, let's just say, it was determined that the substance wasn't oregano.

(Editor's note: As we've said before, "We're not making this up," and apparently, neither does Austin!)

Monday, Feb. 10:
• A Felonious Freak from F'burg remains confined to the county can after being picked up on a felony failure-to-appear warrant.
Tuesday, Feb. 11:
• A Bandera Bad Boy failed in his attempt to boost something worth between $50 and $500 and was popped for making a false report to a law enforcement officer to boot.
Wednesday, Feb. 12:
• A Bonehead from Bandera found himself sent to the slammer for not only felony possession of a PG 1 level controlled substance, but also the chemicals with which to possibly produce it.
• Although it was only a misdemeanor failure-to-appear warrant, a Lunkhead from Lakehills remains in the quod on account of being dogged by it.
Thursday, Feb. 13:
• A Bad-Tempered Banderan found himself on the Wrong Side of John Law after being nicked for assault with bodily injury.
Friday, Feb. 14:
• So, this Sultry Sap from San Antone was not only collared for driving without a license, but apparently she was also found to be inebriated behind a wheel - for an unlucky second time. And, she was wacking weed to boot! Looks like we have a trifecta of unhappiness here.
• A Fool from Fredericksburg got stopped cold 'cause of a felony warrant from an outside agency and remains a guest of the X Bar Inn because of it.
Saturday, Feb. 15:
• A crapulent person from Pipe Creek was picked up for being pie-eyed in public.
Sunday, Feb. 16:
• So, yet another Sadiron from San Antone was found to be pissed behind a wheel for a second time and also driving without a license. What is it with these River City Revelers, anyway?
Monday, Feb. 17:
• Oh, no, a Pipe Creep, who may have burgled a home, remains under lock & key for his transgression.
Tuesday, Feb. 18:
• While his possible cohorts in crime - from both the Creek District and the Cowboy Capital - got off lightly by just being charged with possession of inhalant paraphernalia and in the case of the Bandera Booby, possession of pot, too. On the bright side, all remain these mugs are still in the county cooler.