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2013-07-11

Zak's 'one-on-one' with Des - ole!

By Judith Pannebaker BCC Editor

(Editor's note: Gentle readers, because Zak from Meeko was fortunate enough to have a one-on-one date with bachelorette, Desiree Hartsock, during the Monday, July 1, episode of ABC's "The Bachelorette," we thought this warranted inclusion in the A Section, which is usually reserved for so-called "hard news." Also, the Courier's Confidential Informant had become slightly addled and, in fact, had totally forgotten to do the write-up. By the time the article arrived at the newspaper office via "Courier" pigeon, the B Section was filled to the brim. Also, there seemed to be a dearth of "hard news" for this week's A Section, so, here we are!)

According to the Courier's Confidential Informant, "The Bachelorette" Barcelona visit was tainted by building tension and animosity directed toward James, a wannabe for the next "The Bachelor" series. Well, at least he has a Plan B.

Additionally, Drew so impressed Des on their one-on-one date exploring the ins and outs of Barcelona that she offered him a rose, thus keeping him on the show another week. Plus, they apparently locked lips for what might have been an inordinate amount of time, according to Kristin Baldwin, reviewing the sixth episode for tvrecaps.ew.com.

The group date at a soccer field took a surprise turn when the fellows discovered they were playing against a - gasp! - female soccer team. Even with Juan Pablo's expertise (he's apparently a professional soccer player from Brazil or maybe Venezuela or somewhere in South America), the men failed to defeat the women, due, in part, to James' dismal performance as the goalie - giving everyone yet another reason to excoriate him. "James really did not need to do anything else to lessen his credibility but when you're on a roll, it's hard to stop," the CI noted.

"I thought James was going to be a man today," said Juan Pablo in his Antonio Banderas accent. "I guess he's scared of getting hit with the ball." As Baldwin pointed out, the final score was 10-2 with the senoritas coming out on top.

Not for nothing, but I played goalie during my college years back in The Day and I did fine against other incompetent oafs. It was only when our little team came up against the female phys ed majors that things became a little scary. I wanted to say "hairy," but that might not be politically correct at this point in time.

Anyway, Meeko Zak's one-on-one date with Des was filled with artistic endeavors, including getting some basic drawing lessons at some hotsy, totsy gallery. "Of course Zak offered to pose nude, but his assignment was to draw a picture of Des," the CI wrote. Gentle readers, you may remember on the first episode of "The Bachelorette" in May, Zak stepped from the limousine in dishabille with an unapologetic "Will you accept these abs?" Later that evening, he stripped to his BVDs - or maybe they were Calvins - for a plunge in a frigid pool. But, back to last week's episode ...

"Fortunately both Zak and Des had their senses of humor intact. Zak apologized in advance before revealing his artwork, a "Picasso-esque" picture that brought Des to her knees in a fit of laughter. "Once again Zak's charm and self-effacing ways earned him a rose," the CI revealed. Hmmm, I think Zak from Meeko is starting to charm not only "The Bachelorette, "but also our heretofore level-headed CI.

According to Baldwin, dinner with Zak from Meeko took place in a romantic cave cum wine cellar, where the boy and his "infectious smile" (Des' term, not ours!) chattered happily about his parents. According to Zak, mom is a "bundle of joy" and dad is "extremely responsible and loving" - and his (Zak's, I presume, not his father's) lifelong wanderlust. "Then he and Des made out for a while and she gave Zak the rose," wrote Baldwin.

But, back to the CI's take on the current contretemps, "Des agonized and cried and rationalized and cried and vacillated about what to do with James (the dastard!), who also cried in a desperate attempt hang on another week - and maybe become the next "The Bachelor." Puhleeze! What a wuss! I probably made a better goalie.

"At the rose ceremony, Des made her decision final by sending James home. Thank goodness! Now we can go back and watch clips of Zak as he pretended to model in the buff!" Okay, I'll drink to that and I'll also bring the popcorn.

Pictured: Zak W. remembers Barcelona with a bottle of cheap cava!