The Bandera Courier
Bandera Courier
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2012-01-26

Not worth keeping up with

Carolyn B. Edwards

I am proud to say that I have not kept up with the Kardashians.

Unfortunately, the media coverage of that misbegotten family is so ubiquitous that I seem to know an awful lot about them despite the fact that I have never seen a single episode of their TV show.

I hate that valuable space in my brain is taken up with information about these flibbertygibbets.

I have a question.

Who the heck does watch it?

Some millions must, since the show keeps getting renewed.

Someone said today that the network is contemplating a spin-off. Are there little Kardashians we have yet to meet? Trailer trash relatives from the Ozarks, a kind of anti-Kardashian? Or will the dumped boyfriends be the focus? Perhaps there will be hours of film revolving solely around the family's shoe purchases?

In promos for the show, I've caught glimpses of paterfamilias Bruce Jenner. Bruce has had more plastic surgery than Joan Rivers and his doctor was not nearly as good as hers. Bruce sits around with a permanently surprised look on a face that has the texture and shine of a glazed donut from Snowflake.

And then there was the wedding.

I gathered from Facebook and Yahoo comments that people were greatly disappointed, shocked, surprised that one of the Kardashian women had an awesome wedding, followed by a marriage that lasted for far less time than the build up to the ceremony itself.

I can't bring myself to fault the bride in this case. Again, judging from the promos alone, the promise was to show the "wedding of the decade!"

Never was "marriage" even mentioned!

Weddings for celebrities appear to be trending to productions more elaborate than a Busby Berkeley kaleidoscopic dance number and costing more than the gross national product of some small countries.

Eva Longoria, if you recall, paid thousands of dollars for tuxes for her doggies when she performed in a wedding with Tony Parker.

To these mega-celebs, the wedding is the thing. They don't really give much thought to the marriage that is supposed to follow. I wonder why they go through the ceremony at all, really. They could just get The Impressive Clergyman from the Princess Bride to say, "...and wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...."

Aside from sharing every single mostly boring detail about their lives with everyone in the world, what do the Kardashians do? Have they fed starving children? Have they done good deeds? Have they spoken in defense of justice? Do they sing and dance with enough talent to make it past Steven Tyler?

The little dash between their DOB and DOD on their tombstones won't represent much that is of any value.

I join one internet commenter who wailed, "Could we not have one week without a Kardashian?"