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2011-01-27

Hutchison protects seat from GFL Perry

Carolyn B. Edwards

Texas Senior Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison announced her retirement to the big media last week after 19 years of service to the state in Washington DC. Hutchison has owned the red power suit and lovely hair, making them her trademark look during her political career.
Hutchison declared that she would serve out her term to give Texas Republicans a period of time to develop a field of replacements to run in the next election. I can't imagine there will be any serious Democrat candidates, although someone with lots of loot might pimp themselves up and rock the voting public to separate a few sheeple from the goats.
I theorize that, since there is no love lost between Hutchison and Governor-for-Life Rick Perry, Kay Bailey opted to finish out her term to prevent the all-powerful Perry from automagically nominating his own good self to fill her Senate seat.
She defriended the Eternal Governor of Texas sometime prior to her campaign against him for the Austin sinecure. He is no cheeseball in the beautiful hair department, but his personality otherwise is a buzzkill for me. I wonder how he would look in a red suit? Perry is the ideal muggle, in my opinion, but he has been fooling a lot of people for a long time.
Once her term is ended, Hutchison will probably be spending a lot of time at home in Texas chillaxing with her gal pals and maybe even some frenemies, becoming a locavore and exchanging the red suit for an LBD. If we are lucky, she may write a microblog and let us all know what she really thinks after all these years. She might reveal the location and design of her tramp stamp.
I'm sure her family values will prevent her from becoming a cougar, but I can see her as a hockey grandma, fer sure. She's certainly too old to be a screenager. On the other hand, she may just put on her apron and get in the kitchen to bake up a nice big turducken to celebrate not having to fly back and forth from the Beltway to Texas all the time.
After all, retired senators have a way of quickly fading from memory. In this office we blamestormed for two weeks trying to remember the name of the senator who preceeded John Cornyn, no nimrod himself in the pretty hair department. (It was Phil Gramm, BTW.)
Finding some unfamiliar words in this column? They are words recently adopted by major dictionaries as bona fide entries! Over 2,000 were included in the dictionary of American English during a recent update. I used this column to do a little cyberslacking myself.