The Bandera Courier
Bandera Courier
Thursday December 14, 2017
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2017-01-19

Bending the Cord

Mikie Baker

The first day I clicked my trusty remote and tuned in the Wide World of Cable, I danced a happy dance. I was in charge of my domain. With a simple tap on the remote control, I could watch hundreds of channels, listen to a variety of sublime to ridiculously odd music and relish world events, politics and NASCAR races. By the time I figured out everything available on cable, my bill had gone up $10 a month.
I was blissful, but after a few years, I realized my cable bill was more than my monthly car payment. Just as I was beginning to get irritable, a new technological wonder appeared – the iPad. I dashed out to buy one, brought it home and realized, “Yes! Now between my cable remote control and my iPad, I am at last capable of World Domination!” Happily, it was from the safety of my comfy couch.
Then my cable bill went up another $10 a month.
Next the Walmart of the internet, Amazon, came along and rocked my world again. For a small yearly stipend, I could receive free shipping, free downloadable books, free music and, gasp, 40,000 television shows, movies and original Amazon series. I grabbed my iPad and immediately ordered an Amazon Fire Stick so that I could finally cut the cable.
While I pondered actually cutting the cord it, my cable bill went up another $10 a month. I called the Adult Dad Machine to come over and set up my Fire Stick so I wouldn’t confuse my cable company or my television. He did it in less than a nanosecond and gave me a “simple” list of the 12 steps I had to follow to get to the world of free Amazon television.
Now I was certain I was commander of the universe.
My world of “on demand” domination was a nightmare. It was incredibly hard, tedious and confusing plus it had no local channels which meant I couldn’t watch the most holy of holies - the football playoffs. I didn’t even care when my cable bill went up another $15 a month.
In the meantime, My New Boyfriend was feeling the strains of the Outrageous Cable Bill so I gave him a Fire Stick, too. Being a “superior” male, he quit cable on the spot which was long before he figured out the stick. Luckily, a blank TV screen and total silence for days didn’t drive him crazy.
We spent all last weekend at his house beating on the remote, plugging and unplugging, loading apps and never getting any worthwhile shows to watch until we discovered CBS Live. (I guess all the other network apps are dead.) It was actually just like watching and entire day of CBS programming without ever having to touch the remote. Endless TV! Easy to Use! Gibbs on NCIS! The only problem is, the app is free for a week and then it’s only $5.99 a month. If MNB does the same thing with the other national networks, plus a couple of premium movie streamers, he will end up spending more than he did with cable.
As for me, it’s the New Year and I’m thinking World Domination should be one of my New Year’s resolutions, so I’m calling the cable company to demand a bill that’s only $29.99 a month plus applicable fees. As long as I can get football, local weather and Comedy Central, I am pretty sure I can command the universe. Or at least make a small dent in my budget.