The Bandera Courier
Bandera Courier
Thursday December 14, 2017
The Courier is Celebrating the Christmas Holidays!
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Hugs and Kisses

Mikie Baker

Though we’ve all just made our New Year’s Resolutions, I need to tell you about one more Christmas “incident” before I delve in to the promise I’m making for the New Year. I’d also like to thank My Crazy Cousin for the gift card to Cracker Barrel. MCC, I’d keep looking over your shoulder all year long because I will get you!
But back to the story. When the holiday season began, Walmart started running commercials that explained how easy it was to shop there for the holidays. The commercials all featured two very perky young people dressed in Santa hats sporting bright yellow vests like those Big City construction workers wear. These happy young Santas (spell check thinks that Santa can’t be plural due to human resource guidelines) were dashing around the store helping you find your presents. The commercials were trying to convince you that shopping at the Big Box Store was easy as pie.
Personally, I thought the whole premise of these commercials was ridiculous. When was the last time you could even find one human soul in the store to help you out? Exactly. All I could think was, “Not at my Walmart. That manager keeps his labor costs so low, I’m pretty certain there’s only one person in the whole store. The only checkout lines that are always open are, “Self-Checkout.”
So before Christmas, I needed to go to Walmart for the last of the stocking stuffers and gifts. I wandered around, never seeing an employee, and found all the things I needed to buy anyway. There wasn’t a perky young employee in sight. For that matter, none of the customers were perky either.
Convinced that I was right and the commercials were a bunch of lies, I headed to “Self-Checkout.” Just before I could wheel my cart into a lane, I was accosted by a little, old (80-something) man sporting his Santa hat and bright yellow construction vest. I stopped dead in my tracks.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus helper at Walmart.
I smiled at him as he said, “Well, hello, young lady. Would you prefer a hug or a kiss today?” Since I love any man, no matter what age, that will flirt with me, I said, “Oh, a hug!” With that, I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a magnificent, Christmas spirit-filled hug.
I stepped back and smiled at him. This Santa’s helper was beet red. He looked down sheepishly, put his hand in his pocket and pulled out two Hershey’s kisses wrapped in differently decorated foil. He pointed to each and said, “This one’s a kiss and this one’s a hug.”
Thank God I have a boyfriend. I don’t ever want to be thought of as that lonely old widow gal who picks up 80-something men in Walmart. Only if I was in my 90’s would I sink so low.
Well, so much for the year I made a total fool out of myself in Walmart. It’s on to bigger and better things. My most important resolution is to finish my book, “U-Hauling Miss Dorothy” which is the unlikely story of three female relatives who take on the brave task of escorting Dearly Demented Mom to her final resting place. The tale includes a darling mortician, a fairly mean sheriff and a standoff with the funeral home. Plus these crazy gals used a U-Haul to get DDM to the Big City. Stay tuned. It’s going to be a smash hit and you heard it here first. Happy New Year!