The Bandera Courier
Bandera Courier
Thursday December 14, 2017
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That old feeling

Mikie Baker

I haven’t bought a new piece of furniture it years. Downscaling from a bunch of square footage to a small country house, I spent more time selling furniture. Somehow a formal dining room table and hutch didn’t seem to fit with a caliche driveway.
But last Saturday, I had occasion to need a new piece of furniture, so I spent time perusing antique malls, which is totally foreign for me. Unlike Very Best Friend, I’ve never been one to search out antiques for my home.
Dearly Demented Mom was much more into the “modern look” and hadn’t inherited any classic pieces from her family. VBF has family antiques and keeps adding to her collection. I think they’re nice, but I’d rather not spend lots of money on something that is clearly, well, old.
Be that as it may, I was looking for an art deco style vanity table, where a woman could sit down to put on her makeup. I don’t know how any female can stand up to put on makeup much less apply mascara without opening her mouth. Ladies, the next time you put on your mascara just notice that you can’t do it without opening your mouth. It’s a fact of nature.
So, if I was to wear makeup, I needed to find a nice sit down table with a few drawers and a lovely big mirror. It seems that there’s been nothing new in vanities in the past half-century, so I was forced to go antique shopping. Being on a budget, I knew that antique stores are expensive, but antique malls are for bargain hunters.
What I wasn’t expecting was to find a giant building filled with little tiny shops that had every single toy from my childhood and ones from my parents as well. I saw games I played when I was six, “mod” things I owned as a teenager and the wooden Candies spike heels I wore when I was trying to attract a husband. I was almost “harvest gold and avocado-ed” to death. I’m certain I saw at least 1,367 metal Dr. Pepper signs as well – which made me pretty thirsty, I can tell you.
The only antique furniture I saw was simply used to hold all the stuff crammed in these booths inside the giant antique mall. Does anybody really want a ceramic doll tea service circa 1957? I’d rather have a new set of wine glasses.
I can probably blame my misunderstanding of antique malls squarely on Dearly Demented Mom. She was the Queen of Pack Rats and it took me years and years to get rid of all her clutter. The greatest joy I had about her dementia was that she could no longer pile up newspapers around her chair to save for I don’t know what.
So after hitting a few malls, I could no longer face another giant building filled with more stuff that was unique because it was something from my childhood. I felt each building mocking me, “See, if you’d taken better of all your toys as a child, you could have your own antique mall booth, too.”
Nope, not for me. Clearly, there are people out there that have beautiful booths and offer an array nostalgia for your buying pleasure. Just not for me. All that stuff makes me feel rather old. And I can do that on my own, when I look in the mirror every day.
So the rest of you, enjoy the hunt. I’m heading to IKEA.