The Bandera Courier
Bandera Courier
Thursday December 7, 2017
 
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2013-01-24

All the news that fits

Carolyn B. Edwards

Sometime, as I scroll through the really important news featured on Yahoo, I'm struck with wonder.
• Important news item #1
Football player Manti Te'o mourned the death of his girlfriend by noting, to his coach, the time her coffin would be closed as he played a football game. This interesting tidbit intrigued me for several reasons. Follow up stories indicated the Te'o was the victim of a cruel hoax - that the dying girlfriend never existed. However, he claimed to have met her. What does "meet" mean? Did he just "meet" her on-line? Indeed, what does "girlfriend" mean these days? What was the point of the hoax? And, just wondering now, what kind of man "mourns" his girlfriend by playing a football game? Turns out Manti Te'o's grandmother died on the same day as the faux girlfriend. Did he go to her funeral? Or was that held on a game day, too?
Notre Dame announced that Te'o was too trusting.
We understand that there is no IQ test for college football players, especially one that is almost good enough to qualify for the Heisman.
No one, it seems, has credited Te'o's behavior to possible concussion damage [see below].
• Important news item #2
French troops are taking on al-Qaida in Mali. Now, aren't you sorry for all those jokes about the French and their lack of warrior manhood? Perhaps the US Senate kitchen will once again call those fried potatoes "French" fries.
• Important news item #3
George W. Bush's Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne renovated his personal bathroom at the Department of the Interior at the cost of $222,000 in 2007. I've been reading about the insidious damage that can be done to a football player's brain by concussion. Does anyone know if Kempthorne was a football player? Or, perhaps, like Manti Te'o, is he just too trusting?
I've visited Washington, DC a couple of times and always enjoyed touring the various governmental buildings. I had no idea such luxurious facilities existed behind the marble walls the proletariat are allowed to see!
I'm thinking that the world's most unpopular governing body, the US Congress, could earn itself some good PR by passing a resolution allowing taxpaying visitors to our nation's capitol the use of Interior's potty. We could enjoy a cold drink from the bathroom's $3,500 fridge while we did our business. Such a movement would wipe the slate clean, and flush away the bad rumblings we're hearing in the heartland about the expenditure.
I understand that the General Services Administration, which oversees government property, has now instituted more oversight to prevent this situation from happening again. Silly me, I thought they did that when we found out the Pentagon paid $600 for a toilet.