The Bandera Courier
Bandera Courier
Thursday December 14, 2017
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2013-01-17

Beauty & the beast

Mikie Baker

How are you doing with your New Year's resolutions? My "lose-weight-or-live-in-tent-dresses-the-rest-of-your-life" resolution is going surprisingly well. I've actually lost weight and my growling stomach and refrigerator tantrums haven't scared of Stroke of Genius yet. Of course, there's always tomorrow.
If I could lose a pound for every Weight Watcher's commercial I've seen since the beginning of the year, I'd be anorexic. Still, I try to focus on those lovely people and their successes. It's much better for my mental health than obsessing over Whataburger commercials.
I'm particularly motivated this year as I sincerely believe there is a magic age in life when you are finally stuck with the weight you are and no amount of liposuction can fix the problem. Your only option is to Botox your lips so they look bigger than your stomach. I'm way to close to that magic 60 something age when every extra pound sticks like cement. Doesn't a gal deserve a few years of thin before that day hits?
To that end, I decided my weight loss plan must include exercise. I'm a walker, which is hard to do in the dark while it's sleeting in January. Why do we start new exercise plans when the weather couldn't be any worse? It's probably because we want to be able to feel no guilt when we gorge on Valentine's Day chocolate.
The budget is really tight at the Dancing Dog Ranch this year - which may be a good thing. I didn't have the funds to run out and buy a fancy new treadmill that most likely would end up being a place the throw my clothes. Did you know they make a treadmill now that not only hooks up to your iPhone and iPad, but it also preheats your oven while you walk?
No, nothing that fancy for me. I've got the perfect exercise equipment for my body type - fat and getting fatter. Just last month I got a call from a friend and neighbor down the street. She said, "I just got a new treadmill and wondered if you would like my old one." I couldn't have been more excited and told her I'd send Stroke right down to pick it up as I figured he needed some exercise, too.
After I agreed, she offered this up, "Okay, well it doesn't hold a steady pace over 3 mph, my husband taped a broom handle on the top to grab onto when it gets wobbly and it squeaks really loud." All I could think was the treadmill was in about as good a shape as I am. After I saw him, I promptly named him The Beast.
The Beast sat in the garage through December while I ate my way through the holidays. I always eat extra then so I can savor my memories of homemade cookies in January. Finally, on the first day of January, I marched out to the garage, introduced myself to The Beast and told him it was time to start turning me into The Beauty.
Stroke brought him in, set him up and so began our relationship. On day one, I marched for 20 minutes while it sleeted outside. His motor's loud enough to wake the neighbors, his squeaking gives me a splitting headache and he can't hold a steady pace, but he's mine - all mine - and I love him.
Who knows how many miles we'll walk to and fro, but I promise this. I'll never throw my dirty clothes on The Beast. He's way too special to me.